[It's ugly and he knows it, but he feels a sharp pang of
jealousy when he hears that. He knows he shouldn't feel it, but he has to
turn away and take a sip of his coffee to process the idea that Fraser took
someone else up to Canada. Even if it's fake Canada, even if it's pretend
Canada.]
That's good. [He manages, finally, kicking himself for feeling this
and showing it. He's an open book on a good day, and he's
practically an audiobook right now.]
Back home, sometimes he'd take me to the park. Pretend we were camping out
in the wilderness, instead of in the middle of Chicago.
[Her smile turns sympathetic; she can tell something is wrong, even if she can't intuit exactly what.]
I'm sure he cares. Your version of him. But ... he doesn't have those memories, here. He doesn't know you. You have to ... I don't know, start over.
[And as much as she hates to admit it, that concept does give her some insight as to how she'll have to approach Fraser now that she's his warden. If he's going to act like they don't know each other, she's going to have to get on board, no matter what he's already shared with her.]
[He squirms, taps his fingers against his half-empty coffee cup. He
didn't come here to be comforted by her, even if part of him needed to hear
this.]
I'm trying to. If he'll let me. But until he does, I'm just gonna be there
to drink coffee in his, uh, general vicinity.
He's a good guy, Frost. The best guy I know, even if he don't know me right
now. I know him, even if he fucked something up. [And he
thinks he knows what happened, but if Fraser hasn't told her and she isn't
reading the file, he's not telling her.]
He deserves the fucking best, even if you wanna rip his head off sometimes.
[She's quieter, now, thoughtful; Ray sounds in many ways like some of the people -- one person in particular -- that she knows well, back home.]
I know.
He's lucky to have you, even if he doesn't know it yet. Just ... keep drinking that coffee in his vicinity. And try to separate this version of him a little from the one you know. Because again, if it were me, and my best friend from back home were here, I would have a hell of a time just ... I don't know, foregoing what his expectations would be, for me.
There's a whole side of myself that my friends didn't want me to be. And I was scared of it, because I knew I was capable of being ... bad. Really, really bad. I was mean. I was ... I hurt people. So of course no one who knew me would see Killer Frost -- this other side -- as anything other than a villain, with their friend Caitlin Snow trapped inside. They would just help me perpetuate that belief about myself, that the "real me" was the good girl who followed all the rules, and anything else was just my powers developing their own personality.
But it's not. It's all me. Snow, Frost ... it doesn't make a difference. I can be kind or cruel, timid or confident, anything in between. And I'll admit I'm still figuring all of it out. But I couldn't have done any of it if I had someone breathing down my neck that any part of me was real or not real. Not -- that I'm saying you would do that, or that what he's going through is anything like what I did. I honestly don't know.
But he does strike me as someone who might be concerned with presentation, and expectations, so it might just ... it might be something to watch out for. And it's why I say to try to get to know who he is now -- or who he'll become, because it might be different from the person that you know, in your time.
[She's already the kind of person you take the time to listen to,
and when she really starts to speak he goes quieter than he has yet. When
he stops tapping his foot, his fingers, stops moving, it's obvious.
He's listening to her, and he's thinking about her words. He tries to
remember what he thought Fraser would be like before he met him-- he turned
out to be so different than the files said, what other people said.
She's right. He really is that guy in the red serge, willing to do
anything for his fellow man. But he's also the guy who waited in that crypt
with him, even though it wasn't all legal, because he knew it was important
to Ray; he's also the guy who will make fun of a guy so subtly no one hears
it; he's the guy who came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his
father and remained because he pissed off the whole of fucking Canada.
He's all of that. The only thing he isn't is the guy who knows Ray. He can
live with that. And maybe he should let Fraser know that, instead of
assuming he already did.
He takes a breath, then leans back against her lovely couch and gives her a
smile. He's such a dumbass, thinking he could tell her shit.]
[And the fact that other wardens wait months or even years for an assignment doesn't factor into the fact that Fraser is here now, as someone who could uniquely benefit from the road she just traveled. Maybe this wasn't an accident after all.]
You're approved, Snow. [He gives her a tight little smile, but he
means it. Fraser may be his best friend, but they're not alike at
all. He has to work to understand him. Caitlin feels like she gets
things about him so easily, so instinctively. It's a good thing.]
If he starts pissing you off and you gotta vent, you come and find me. I
get that.
[She holds up a hand, just to let the temperature around her drop, and a small, imperfect globe of ice appears in her palm. As she forms it, her appearance changes: eyes glinting silver, lighter hair spilling over the brown, skin sparkling like new fallen snow.]
Happens when I get mad, too. Can't control it, then.
[There's a subtle shift in the tone of her voice, too -- a faint echo, like wind through glass.]
[He hears it, sees it-- but it doesn't scare him. He leans in, not even close to touching, but curious. His eyes flick from the globe to her eyes, then back to the globe.]
It's like the Admiral searched all over the fucking universe to find someone perfect for Fraser. He musta loved that. But I'm guessin' it ain't been all that nice to you?
No. It's been ... hard. [She lets the sphere slide into her coffee cup, and sets it aside.] I had to learn how to control it so I didn't accidentally freeze everything I touched. But I had some good teachers here, before they left.
He seemed pretty impressed when I showed him what I could do.
A little of column A, a little of column B. Getting angry made it easier, but it was also easier to get angry. Like the more I used my powers, the worse I got. Back home I thought it was all tied together -- use my powers, turn into a raging bitch. The only way to keep being a nice person all the time was to get the powers on lock down, or get rid of them entirely.
[A sweet smile.]
But no one's a nice person all the time, are they?
Seventeen years. Made detective eight years ago, so I seen enough of that good and bad.
[He sits back now, relaxing a little, and sips his cooling coffee.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 06:11 pm (UTC)[It's ugly and he knows it, but he feels a sharp pang of jealousy when he hears that. He knows he shouldn't feel it, but he has to turn away and take a sip of his coffee to process the idea that Fraser took someone else up to Canada. Even if it's fake Canada, even if it's pretend Canada.]
That's good. [He manages, finally, kicking himself for feeling this and showing it. He's an open book on a good day, and he's practically an audiobook right now.]
Back home, sometimes he'd take me to the park. Pretend we were camping out in the wilderness, instead of in the middle of Chicago.
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 06:20 pm (UTC)[Her smile turns sympathetic; she can tell something is wrong, even if she can't intuit exactly what.]
I'm sure he cares. Your version of him. But ... he doesn't have those memories, here. He doesn't know you. You have to ... I don't know, start over.
[And as much as she hates to admit it, that concept does give her some insight as to how she'll have to approach Fraser now that she's his warden. If he's going to act like they don't know each other, she's going to have to get on board, no matter what he's already shared with her.]
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 06:32 pm (UTC)I know.
[He squirms, taps his fingers against his half-empty coffee cup. He didn't come here to be comforted by her, even if part of him needed to hear this.]
I'm trying to. If he'll let me. But until he does, I'm just gonna be there to drink coffee in his, uh, general vicinity.
He's a good guy, Frost. The best guy I know, even if he don't know me right now. I know him, even if he fucked something up. [And he thinks he knows what happened, but if Fraser hasn't told her and she isn't reading the file, he's not telling her.]
He deserves the fucking best, even if you wanna rip his head off sometimes.
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 06:53 pm (UTC)I know.
He's lucky to have you, even if he doesn't know it yet. Just ... keep drinking that coffee in his vicinity. And try to separate this version of him a little from the one you know. Because again, if it were me, and my best friend from back home were here, I would have a hell of a time just ... I don't know, foregoing what his expectations would be, for me.
There's a whole side of myself that my friends didn't want me to be. And I was scared of it, because I knew I was capable of being ... bad. Really, really bad. I was mean. I was ... I hurt people. So of course no one who knew me would see Killer Frost -- this other side -- as anything other than a villain, with their friend Caitlin Snow trapped inside. They would just help me perpetuate that belief about myself, that the "real me" was the good girl who followed all the rules, and anything else was just my powers developing their own personality.
But it's not. It's all me. Snow, Frost ... it doesn't make a difference. I can be kind or cruel, timid or confident, anything in between. And I'll admit I'm still figuring all of it out. But I couldn't have done any of it if I had someone breathing down my neck that any part of me was real or not real. Not -- that I'm saying you would do that, or that what he's going through is anything like what I did. I honestly don't know.
But he does strike me as someone who might be concerned with presentation, and expectations, so it might just ... it might be something to watch out for. And it's why I say to try to get to know who he is now -- or who he'll become, because it might be different from the person that you know, in your time.
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 07:05 pm (UTC)[She's already the kind of person you take the time to listen to, and when she really starts to speak he goes quieter than he has yet. When he stops tapping his foot, his fingers, stops moving, it's obvious.
He's listening to her, and he's thinking about her words. He tries to remember what he thought Fraser would be like before he met him-- he turned out to be so different than the files said, what other people said.
She's right. He really is that guy in the red serge, willing to do anything for his fellow man. But he's also the guy who waited in that crypt with him, even though it wasn't all legal, because he knew it was important to Ray; he's also the guy who will make fun of a guy so subtly no one hears it; he's the guy who came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father and remained because he pissed off the whole of fucking Canada.
He's all of that. The only thing he isn't is the guy who knows Ray. He can live with that. And maybe he should let Fraser know that, instead of assuming he already did.
He takes a breath, then leans back against her lovely couch and gives her a smile. He's such a dumbass, thinking he could tell her shit.]
You still think you graduated by accident?
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 07:17 pm (UTC)I think there's a lot more that I have to work on before I'm ready to be a warden.
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 07:20 pm (UTC)Guess the Admiral disagreed.
[He gives her another smile, small but heartfelt, and then he puts down his coffee and drags both hands over his face.]
Sorry. I didn't come here to get help or nothin'. Just-- to talk. See if he's in good hands.
[He can maybe reboot his friendship with Fraser, but he's always going to care. He can't stop that.]
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 07:24 pm (UTC)And? What's the verdict?
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 07:42 pm (UTC)You're approved, Snow. [He gives her a tight little smile, but he means it. Fraser may be his best friend, but they're not alike at all. He has to work to understand him. Caitlin feels like she gets things about him so easily, so instinctively. It's a good thing.]
If he starts pissing you off and you gotta vent, you come and find me. I get that.
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 07:48 pm (UTC)While you're here ... is there anything else you want to know about me?
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 08:12 pm (UTC)[He really thinks about it, biting on his lower lip, before he nods.]
What'd you mean? When you said your friends saw two different people?
Re: Private
Date: 2019-01-17 08:23 pm (UTC)[She holds up a hand, just to let the temperature around her drop, and a small, imperfect globe of ice appears in her palm. As she forms it, her appearance changes: eyes glinting silver, lighter hair spilling over the brown, skin sparkling like new fallen snow.]
Happens when I get mad, too. Can't control it, then.
[There's a subtle shift in the tone of her voice, too -- a faint echo, like wind through glass.]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 08:33 pm (UTC)It's like the Admiral searched all over the fucking universe to find someone perfect for Fraser. He musta loved that. But I'm guessin' it ain't been all that nice to you?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 08:48 pm (UTC)He seemed pretty impressed when I showed him what I could do.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 10:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 10:22 pm (UTC)[A sweet smile.]
But no one's a nice person all the time, are they?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-19 08:23 am (UTC)I been a cop a long time, you're telling me. No way.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-19 11:49 am (UTC)[She laughs a little, too.] So you get it. And I'm sure you know that means no one's mean all the time, either. People are complicated.
[She takes another sip of her coffee, even with the ice melting in it.] How long have you been a cop?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-19 12:09 pm (UTC)Seventeen years. Made detective eight years ago, so I seen enough of that good and bad. [He sits back now, relaxing a little, and sips his cooling coffee.]