He smiles a tiny bit now, though without much humor or happiness. "I'm all right when I'm not thinking about it," he murmurs. "I spent the last couple of days off the ship, down in Portland with some of the others, and it helped. I felt pretty close to normal by the time I made it back."
"But when I learned the truth before that," he goes on, smile fading, "and when I think about it now, I feel..." He trails off, and after a moment, shakes his head, leaving it there.
He feels. He feels a lot of things; too many things. He's trying to remind himself very forcibly that the feeling isn't a problem in and of itself, because he's started to realize that there's something of a pattern forming: the harder he pushes down that piece of himself, the worse things get when it pushes back. And that's the lesson he'd forgotten about Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost, isn't it? It hadn't worked that way for them, either.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-03-31 08:51 pm (UTC)"But when I learned the truth before that," he goes on, smile fading, "and when I think about it now, I feel..." He trails off, and after a moment, shakes his head, leaving it there.
He feels. He feels a lot of things; too many things. He's trying to remind himself very forcibly that the feeling isn't a problem in and of itself, because he's started to realize that there's something of a pattern forming: the harder he pushes down that piece of himself, the worse things get when it pushes back. And that's the lesson he'd forgotten about Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost, isn't it? It hadn't worked that way for them, either.